Breakups can be lonely, emotional, and confusing times.

You may be tempted to go back and read all of your emails to each other, look at past IM conversations, and sit for hours looking at photos- don’t do it. Though it may seem like a good way to cope, it actually doesn’t do anything but set you back.

Instead when you get the urge to “remember old times” try to redirect and do something else. Call a friend, go for a walk, remember the bad times and arguments- anything to get your mind out of the “I would be better if we were together” stage.

If the breakup wasn’t mutual you’ll want to call the person- over and over and over and over. You want to know why, you want to yell at them, you just want to hear their voice. Bad idea. It only makes you look desperate, and months down the line you’ll feel stupid for doing it. They might even feel guilty and decide to revive the relationship, but that will be a mistake because they don’t mean it, and sooner or later you’ll be back in the same spot. So don’t call the person and cry, yell, and cry; vent to someone else.
Continue reading ‘Dealing With a Break Up in Your Long Distance Relationship’

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Q: How do you celebrate birthdays when you are in a long distance relationship?

A:I’m trying to remember how we celebrated my birthday last year and I’m drawing a blank. We were still in a long distance relationship on my last birthday, but I honestly don’t remember how we celebrated…or if we even did.

For his birthday he came and visited so that was nice. Since our birthdays aren’t that far apart maybe we celebrated together but I don’t recall.

Sorry.

However I do know that if you can’t visit, you can try just about any other idea I’ve given and turn it into a birthday treat.

Try stealing one of these and it will be a great birthday even if you are a bit down about the distance.

• Long Distance Anniversary Ideas
• Long Distance Valentines Day Ideas
• Long Distance Christmas Gifts
• Long Distance Holiday Ideas

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Here are some ways to celebrate your first year in a long distance relationship.

Anyone else have any romantic ideas?

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I’ve found that it’s necessary for me to write a part two to Your Long Distance Relationship Might Be Over If so here goes.

1) The person breaks up with you. I know that this will make some people laugh, and others scratch their heads, but sometimes it’s hard to accept that someone has broken up with you. You want to deny it, or make excuses, or beg them to reconsider.

Sooner or later you’ll realize that when people break up with you, it’s for a reason, and it’s usually for the best. If someone doesn’t want to be with you then cry, be sad, eat ice cream; but know that begging won’t make someone love you, and one day the pain you feel won’t be there.

2) Something is just not right. Do you ever get the feeling that something is just a little off? It doesn’t feel right, something’s not too clean, but you just can’t put your finger on it. Don’t ignore this because chances are you feel that way because it’s true- something is wrong in your relationship. This isn’t necessarily a sign of breaking up, but just don’t ignore it. Instead you need to find out what it is and that doesn’t mean start asking a million questions.

3)You are never on the same page…about anything. You want kids, they hate kids. You want to get married, they just want to screw around. You believe in putting fourth effort, they think they are too busy to send a 10 second text message. Compatibility is key to any relationship. Don’t excuse glaring incompatibilities just because you are in a long distance relationship.

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[Instead of the normal Q & A piece, you’ll find my responses in bold.]

I have a long distance relationship situation, and sister it’s not good! I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. We started out as friends in college. He never wanted a serious relationship, we used to just hook up. I graduated and moved away and began to date another guy. A year later he came back into my life and I left my boyfriend for him.

First warning sign. My grandma used to always tell me that the way you get someone is the same way you are going to lose them. If someone knows you are committed and they still pursue you it says a lot about how they value commitments; it also says a lot about how you value them as well.
Continue reading ‘He is Wishy Washy, What Should I Do?’

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