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Moving In Together, But We Haven’t Met
Q: I am 17, he is 22. We have never seen each other in person as of yet. Our plan was for me to get into university and get my own apartment, and he would come live with me. That would mean we wouldn’t get to see each other until the late summer of 2008, seven to eight months from now. He can’t come now because he doesn’t have the money. We are both so frustrated and we have horrible fights because of it, and that are only caused because we cant be together yet. Now, I’m trying to save up money so that I might able to go visit him in March 2008. If I visited him in March, 4-5 months before we were supposed to be together, would that make lasting those months without each other easier or harder on us? But coming home would be the hardest thing I’d ever have to do, and I’m not sure if I could. Also, to further complicate the situation, we both live with our families and neither of them know we’re together as of yet. I think both our families have some idea, but I’m not sure if my parents would let me go to visit by myself.
A: I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but for safety and security reasons you need to let your family know what’s going on. Besides, if you care for this person, why wouldn’t you want to share your relationship with your family? Yes they might look at you like you are crazy but I can’t imagine being in a relationship that I couldn’t share with the people in my life. Your parents might surprise you and act differently then you’d expect, mine did. As for the visiting thing, it’s hard for anyone to leave once they’ve had a visit. Everyone gets sad, some people cry, but it’s ok. It’s just a part of life and a part of being in a long distance relationship. I wouldn’t say avoid a visit because you might cry, that would be silly. You need memories together to make your relationship stronger.
Also I would strongly advise you to think twice about living with someone who you have not spent any time with. People are different in person than they are online or on the phone. You need to spend time together to see if you are compatible before you start thinking of living with someone. Be smart, think with your head and not with your hormones that are raging. Because that “happy, happy, I am so in love, you are perfect” feeling fades. Once that happens you need to have something to fall back on.
Yes 10 months is a decent amount of time to spend getting to know someone but you still don’t have to rush into anything, especially if you’ve never met. Focus on school, take time to adjust to that as your life will change once you go away to school and living on your own. But above all don’t jump into living with someone you’ve never met. Get to know him in person. Have more than one visit before you make a choice that could totally change your life. It could turn out that you like him more over the phone than you do face to face, it happens and once you make that step, it’s hard to go back, but if you prepare and take the time to REALLY KNOW what you are getting into the hardest thing is having a little patience.
Best of luck.
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