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Help! I Don’t Feel Appreciated
Q: I’m having a problem and it’s been a problem for a long time. I don’t feel like my boyfriend appreciates me and takes me for granted. I’ve tried to express it but it doesn’t seem to be working. He gets mad at me and feels like nothing he does will make me happy. Do you know how I could communicate this feeling better to him? It’s almost enough to make me want to end the relationship because it feels like he disregards my needs and thinks they’re not important.
A: This is a tricky question because sometimes it’s a communication problem, and sometimes it’s a situation where it’s not going to work no matter what you say or do.
I’ll assume that this is a communication problem so that’s how I’ll answer, but keep in mind that sometimes you have to cut your losses.
How about you try something different. Instead of saying “I feel like you don’t appreciate me” turn it around and say “I really like it when you ….. it makes me feel so appreciated.” Do that often and see if his behavior changes.
If you don’t have a chance to say that then be specific. “When I ….. you didn’t notice, you didn’t say anything and that made me feel unappreciated because….. how do you feel about that?”
Don’t just say “I feel unappreciated” be specific, give examples, and tell why you felt that way. Don’t go overboard, but say just enough to make your point while indicating that you want a discussion, not an argument. Tone is everything.
See where the conversation goes. You’ll be able to tell if it’s just communication problem or if he’s just a selfish pig. If you need help discerning the two, let me know.
Best of luck.
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