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5 Years is a Long Time, What Should I Do?
Q: My partner and I have been together for 5 years and the relationship has always been great. We used to live together in our home town then we both decided to move away for 2 years for my job. My partner got a really great job half way through and he decided to stay on after our initial 2 years; while I moved back home as a great job opportunity came up for me here.
My partner only works in his job for job for 5 to 6 months of the year then is able to come back home. I’m really struggling with being apart. He wants to keep doing this for 5 years or so to be able to set us up financially but I feel its such a long time to commit to. I know it sounds stupid but I feel like I come second best to his job and lifestyle, then on the other hand its his life and he loves what he does. I’m not sure if I should keep on going for the 5 years or give up what I’m doing to live to ‘nomadic’ life that he’s living at the moment just to be together again.
A: It’s often easy to think that you are coming second to your partners career, even in relationships that are not long distance. While sometimes people care about their careers over anything else, a lot of the time that’s not the case. It could be that the person is working hard in order to help their overall situation which might include you.
If the person talks about doing this for “us” and working so hard so they can provide “you” with various things, then I think you have to reconsider how you feel. However if the person works a lot and talks about “me” and how “I” can advance and how “I” can make more money so “I” will have more things, then that’s something you have to consider.
As for the long distance situation, that’s a tough one. For me, 5 years wouldn’t work but that’s because I’m very family and marriage-minded. For others it can work just fine. Consider all of the military families who are away from each other for years at a time. Their relationship still works, the love still lasts. Yes, 5 years is a long time but it’s not that long when you consider spending the rest of your lives together.
Ultimately you have to weigh the pros and cons and consider your options. What are your options? What choices do you have? You could follow his plan, or you could come up with something else. Write down some ideas and discuss it with him.
If he really loves you then he’ll be open to a discussion. Someone is going to have to compromise somehow…maybe both of you can bend a little in order to make it work.
Best of luck.
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