Information and Links
Join the fray by commenting, tracking what others have to say, or linking to it from your blog.
We are Skeptical, can this Last?
Q: We met 8 months ago we have been dating for 7 months.
We both have children from different marriages and are very skeptical about relationships (him more than me). Both of our youngest children are 11 years and we want to wait until they are grown to make any permanent decisions. This equates to about 6 to 7 years. We have made the commitment to be in a monogamous relationship (he asked for it not me)
Can this relationship survive? If so can you give me some pointers, we have had some ups and downs. At the beginning he was pursuing me but once he got comfortable he put down some ground rules, like not to expect a call every day. We have tried to see each other once a month but due some financial issues that has changed for him. I can still see him but he is feeling guilty about not having enough money.
We had a big conversation last week about how we want to protect our kids from finding out about us so we have to be careful who tell about us. How do we keep the flame alive with the new circumstances?
A:
1) You said you are both skeptical of relationships. If you don’t have confidence in this, then who will? If you’ve been hurt before, you don’t trust people, etc- then don’t involve yourself in a relationship. Trust me, I know how it goes and if you are with someone and you STILL feel skeptical then you are with the wrong person. Ask me about it later and I might tell you my full story.
2)I have to laugh at the not to expect a call every day. Maybe I am not able to see the context in which it was used, but still that sounds very rude and not like something someone who wanted to be in a relationship would say; especially a long distance relationship. Yes people get busy and have things to do but a phone call doesn’t even have to last 5 minutes. If cost is an issue then there’s always use Skype which is free to some degree.
3)Piggy backing on number 2, getting comfortable is not something anyone should do, long distance relationship or not. If you want any time of relationship to last, you can’t just stop everything you used to do just because a commitment has been made.
My pointers would be to first set some communication rules that help enhance what you are trying to build. “Don’t expect a phone call every day” isn’t going to fly. Are you going to talk in the mornings before work? Is it better late at night when the kids are asleep? Set a rule and stick to it.
Secondly, this relationship can work but you both have to put in the effort, it can’t be one-sided. Read through this site for some tips on keeping the romance alive.
And above all, use your brain. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
Best of luck.
Did you enjoy this post? Please subscribe via RSS or email.
Thats good! all u have to do is make it work and the relationship will last.!