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He is Wishy Washy, What Should I Do?
[Instead of the normal Q & A piece, you'll find my responses in bold.]
I have a long distance relationship situation, and sister it’s not good! I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. We started out as friends in college. He never wanted a serious relationship, we used to just hook up. I graduated and moved away and began to date another guy. A year later he came back into my life and I left my boyfriend for him.
First warning sign. My grandma used to always tell me that the way you get someone is the same way you are going to lose them. If someone knows you are committed and they still pursue you it says a lot about how they value commitments; it also says a lot about how you value them as well.
I have been doing the long distance thing ever since. He talks about marriage, or hints at how we will have kids someday and he even took me to Europe. Things were going really well, but when we got back from Europe things were a little different. It should be noted that he does not deal with stress well. He said school was stressing him out. Then he would barely answer my texts and not call that often, when he would call he would act really moody. Then he called me that weekend and broke up with me. He said Europe made him think that he and I shouldn’t be together that we are way to different. Obviously this came as a shock to me and I was a mess all weekend long.
My grandma used to also tell me that if someone tells you who they are (or how they feel) then believe them. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to say that and it’s probably why he was acting funny after you returned. He wasn’t feeling it, but he didn’t know how to say it. So now that he finally told you, there is no reason for you not to believe it.
He called me a few times that weekend to see how i was doing and then obviously I said horrible, I told him I loved him and it made me sick to think of him with someone else, that I had no idea that he felt the way he did, and I felt awful for him staying with me if he didn’t love me. He cried and said he did love me, that he didn’t know why he was breaking up with me and that he wanted to stay together….
Now here is where the wishy, washy comes in. He knew exactly why he broke up with you, he told you. But tears make people feel guilty and breakups (even long distance) make people feel lonely so people will say anything to get what they want.
Ok, soo now, we are working on it, But I feel like he is a flighty bastard.
Because he is.
I went to see him last weekend. I felt like he didn’t care about me the way I cared about him.
Ok girlfriend, how many clues do you need sweetie?
We spent the weekend together, i saw his parents and his dad told me his son was an idiot, so obviously he talked to them about it. He took me to church on Sunday and held my hand the whole time. He told me he loved me again and again. Now I leave and he communicates so little.
Holding someones hand doesn’t mean they want to be in a relationship. Saying “I love you” is easy even if you don’t mean it. Don’t let that fool you. Sorry to cut your email short but you already know what the deal is.
In fact, to save time I have underlined some statements you made. Please go back, read them in order, and tell me what’s so great about this guy.
Please, don’t waste anymore time on this. Yes it hurts, yes it’s hard to get over a breakup, but if you keep trying to force it you’ll only be wasting your time.
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Relationships are all about trust and faithfulness to one another. I am thinking of making essays and dissertations about love and how to make long distance relationship works.