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Long Distance vs. Local- Who Should I Pick?
Q: I have been in a Long distance relationship for a year and a half with my first love. As of yet, we have not met. We will not be able to meet for probably another year or so due to his circumstances. Recently, I’ve been going out with my friends, and one of my guy friends I am certain is attracted to me. The thing is, I’m feeling attracted to him too. I find myself flirting with him and thinking about him all the time. I try to hold myself back because of my ldr, but its hard because I like him back. I tell myself, “I like this local guy, but I love my long distance guy.”
But I still cannot stop thinking about what life would be like with the local guy, we have so much more in common and obviously like each other. But I’m still committed to my ldr, even though lately we’ve been fighting a lot. I don’t know what to do. Other people have told me to go with the local guy because “he’s already here”. But I need the opinion of someone who understands a long distance relationship. I am unsure if I just want someone to be with now, or if things could get really serious with the local guy and end up being better. What should I do?
A: Hmm this is a tough one. Well a lot of this depends on your age and what these “circumstances” are. I get the impression that you are younger…no older than 25 but I won’t base my advice on that.
There’s a big difference between being in a long distance relationship with someone you’ve never met, and being in a long distance relationship with someone you have been around. I know because I’ve been in both and let me tell you, everything isn’t all gravy once you finally meet the person; especially if you’ve been talking for a very long time.
It’s easier to like someone when you are talking via phone and email. That’s just the way it is. You only see what people want you to see and that’s usually the good side. But once you meet them it’s not always so perfect.
I’d say don’t hold up your life for the possibility that you MIGHT meet this person in a year or so. That is ridiculous to put your life on hold for 2.5 years for someone you’ve never met.
I’m not saying to ignore your commitments but
1)How do you know what he is doing? (You don’t)
2) There’s nothing wrong with having a talk about the state of your relationship. You all can be friends and then when you meet you can decide if you want to make it a relationship.
In closing, yes if I was in love I would wait for the person no matter what anyone else said; however if I NEVER met them before I’d have to put serious, long term, commitments on hold until we met. We can talk, we can chat, we can write each other letters but I can’t fully commit until we’ve actually met.
Trust me, sometimes when you meet someone after talking to them for a long time you’ll quickly find that you are more compatible via phone and email than you are in person. It would be a shame if you put your life on hold and found that out.
Good luck.
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A lot of reasons a long distance relationship may not work primarily and you may have to do a quick save relationship.