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Expert Says, Avoid Long Distance Relationships
For every long distance relationship success story, there’s five anti-long distance stories.
This site is all about encouragement and inspiration for those who are in LDR’s, but let’s take a little peak into the outside world.
Dr. Dennis Neder of BeingaMan.TV has some words of advice for those of you in long distance relationships. Here is what he had to say.
“They are a waste of time. Most of us live in large cities with tons and tons of people. How lazy (or scared) do you have to be to be willing to be in a committed LDR when there are all these other great people right there in your own backyard? Further, eventually the insecurities begin to set in and you’re worrying about who your partner is meeting when they go out to bars or at work, etc.
Add to this the fact that technology acts as a filter. Your mind takes in information at a tremendous rate - about 60,000 impressions per second (and some experts put this as high as 2.5 million!) When you’re sitting across from someone, you get a flood of non-verbal information from that person that helps you to form your belief - and attraction - for them.
When you’re at a distance however, your mind doesn’t stop building this impression, but it lacks substantial cues to work with. Thus, it “fills in” the blanks! What does it use to fill this in? Simple: your goals, dreams, desires, wishes, etc., etc. It’s far easier to fall in love with someone even though they aren’t at all who you think they are because of this.
My constant advice to people is to AVOID LDR’s at all costs.”
As much as I hate to say it, he has a point. It is easier to like/love someone who you aren’t with all the time. When you are just talking to someone online and via the phone, it’s easier to paint them as perfect. But as soon as you get together you may realize that you don’t have as much chemistry as you thought you did.
However, all long distance relationships aren’t between people who have never met. People go off to school, change jobs, join the military, meet on vacation, etc- so I don’t support the idea that all LDR’s are a waste of time.
If I had that set in my mind, I wouldn’t be married right now.
So, Long Distance Relationship readers, what are your thoughts on what the Dr. said?
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To be honest with you from reading that, he hasnt been in a LDR, and talking from experience (i met my fiancee online, and we did the non seeing thing for two years, and now see each other every other week atleast due to my job, and live together for most of the time) my fiancee was everything i thought she would be once i met her, my LDR was the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and with out it i wouldnt have my job, my home.. practically everything i do have, and after 5 years i love her more and more each and everyday, from the first time we spoke i knew she was the one, and just because she lived far away at the time didnt mean i wouldnt follow my heart, yes there are 8 billion people on this planet, but theres only one for me and ive found her, so dont let this article put you off your LDR!