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Which Comes First- Love or Real Estate?
Q: I’ve been in a long (international) distance relationship with a guy from England for about 5 years now. He’s 27 and I’m 23 and in my last year of university. We always planned on getting married and one of us moving over by the time I graduated. That’s how it’s been planned and what both of our families expected. We see each other twice a year but talk to each other very often online.
Every time I’ve had to leave him it’s gotten so much harder and more difficult, but looking forward to graduating at the end of the year makes it all better.
The biggest issue though is that because of him being laid off from a job, having to move back into his parent’s house, and starting another job…he tells me he wants to save for a house. To make things even worse I talk to him about my concerns of moving over and he tells me that more than likely I will have to wait months (8 to 10 maybe) after I graduate before I move. He tells me it’s better in the long run to get a house than to rent a flat but I can’t wait any longer. I’m tired of waiting!!
My friends tell me to break up with him because he’s putting a house before me. But I don’t want to lose everything that we’ve built up together out of feeling impatient.
What do I do?
A: So he lost his job and has to move in with his parents. This means he doesn’t have a place of his own. It doesn’t make sense for you to come there and live with an unemployed man who lives with his parents.
How desirable.
But on the other hand, lots of people rent before they buy so that is no excuse. As for it being cheaper in the long run, that is debatable and it depends.
Here’s a little unconventional and practical thinking for you.
The Realities of Home Ownership
Dispelling The Myth That Home Ownership Is Your Best Investment
Research and you’ll find many more…but I digress…
So I don’t think this issue is a deal breaker, but I do think it’s something you both need to talk about. But really, until he has steady employment, I wouldn’t be in a rush to flee the country. Love is important but so is common sense.
So the first thing you need to settle is when you are getting married because until that happens, you don’t need to think about moving out of the country.
The next thing is the employment situation on both ends. Do you plan on working or not? How will you guys handle financial matters?
The third thing is the housing situation. Maybe he is using it as an excuse, or maybe he really thinks it’s best. Good men are reluctant to marry a woman if they know they can’t provide for them.
Overall, not being able to afford a house is in my opinion not a good enough reason to delay marrying someone you truly love. It’s just not. However 8-10 months is not a long time to wait to make sure that everything is secure for the rest of your life. If it was 2 years or more then I’ d be up in arms, but that 8-10 months gives you time to plan for what’s important.
You two both just need to talk about this to see where the other party is coming from.
Good luck.
I should note that he’s not unemployed. He just had to move back to his parents because he couldn’t afford the place he was at while he was unemployed and looking for another job which took him a little while (let’s face it the economy is crap).
Anyway thanks for the advice Diva