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I’m Confused and Hurt
Q: I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year ( we’ve known eachother for over 20) and he lives 3.5 hours away now. It was all good until the last few months. He goes periods of time without calling or texting, when I am on the road coming to visit him or even before he I leave he calls and tells me not to come. He is completely pushing me away. He has just completed his graduate work and convenietly forgot to tell me about his graduation but I see pictures of it and a party he had on facebook from other mutual friends that were there.
He was in town for one or twice and didn’t even stop by before leaving town. he called to let me know he was there but I never saw him ( his family still lives in the same city as I do). What is going on? When I asked him he says he loves me but does not love the distance. He assures me that nothing is going on he just hates long distance relationships. This is a stark change from us seeing eachother every weekend the first 9 months (both of us driving). What happenend? I feel like this is another one of my train wreck relationships! I am a basket case lately…..I rarely let anyone in, before him it had been 2 years since I had dated (needed to find myself). Now I am confused and hurt and angry. I love him. Have had a crush on him since we were 10 but I feel like if I continue like this I will be hurt again and end up hating him. Help me! What should I do?
A: I am so sorry you are going through this. I can imagine how hurt and confused you feel and you really don’t deserve that. People should be more honest and I really don’t understand why men are being raised as cowards.
Now to get to the nitty gritty, he’s just not interested. Someone doesn’t “forget” to tell you about a big event in their life (like a graduation); and then to put it on Facebook is a slap in the face and completely disrespectful.
Also about not contacting you when he was in town….that speaks really loudly. He didn’t contact you because he didn’t want to see you. If he “hates the distance” he would have loved the chance to see you and you need to think about that.
There are no excuses for his behavior. Maybe he is hoping to keep you around as a backup, or maybe he hopes you’ll get the hint. But I learned a long time ago to never believe what someone says, instead believe what they DO.
What you should do is understand that he is not interested. Don’t look to him for answers because he is just going to give you crap, so just cut off contact until you can wrap your head around the situation; once you do, you won’t want to talk to him anyway. Yes it hurts and you have to deal with that, but it’s better to deal now then to sit and waste years of your life on someone like him.
And though I don’t necessarily like some of the messages in this movie, please consider having a “Me Night” with your favorite food and friends and watching He’s Just Not That Into You.
Good luck to you.
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