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Indefinite Long Distance Relationship
Q: We have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years now and I would like to discuss the future about how to end the long distance with my partner.
Somehow due to jobs, kid etc it seams hard finding a solution to the problem. My partner only comes up with dream ideas which are far away from reality and am feeling he is only concerned about his career and doesnt really wanna think about the subject.
He is being very unrealistic and is constantly dreaming up our life in 10 years, but doesnt have any shorter term plans
on how our lifes [sic] could move together. Which in turn makes me wonder if he actually does wanna change anything about it. He is accusing me of argueing [sic] if i wanna talk about it. Also he is saying he thinks its ok how it is
(we are living in different countries!).
Is there any point as i do not wanna have an indefinite long, LDR? Or is he just stringing me along?
A: Assuming you are an adult- I mean a full-fledged adult, not one of these kids who are of age but technically are still kids- 3 years is long enough to know where you want to go in a relationship.
Long distance or not, if after 3 years you are in the same place, you can assume that is where you will stay unless other arrangements have been discussed.
But the distance makes it tough especially if you both have kids and you are in different countries. That’s not really an ideal situation for two people who (presumably) have established lives. It would be one thing if there were no strings attached, but those strings get kind of tricky.
No, waiting 10 years is not practical. And if you both can’t come to some sort of agreement on when and how the distance will end then there’s nothing left to do but go your separate ways. Realistically, what do you expect to happen? Are you going to pack up and move? Or do you expect him to? Those are your choices- either you move, he moves, or shake hands and move on. And remember, those strings complicate the first two choices greatly.
If he wanted you to move there he would have asked. Likewise, if he was going to move where you are don’t you think he would have mentioned it by now? I’m not saying anyone has to pack up and move tomorrow but usually people who are enthusiastic about the possibilities have some sort of time line.
Don’t let anyone string you along. If he doesn’t want to talk about it then that speaks very loudly- you have your answer and I’m very sorry if that’s not the one you wanted to hear.
Good luck.
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